THE NEW BLOG IS HERE!!!

I have finally finished my new blog, www.onetreeoflifeblog.com. I know it took longer then I expected but I have been a busy girl. I am now settled into my new home and hoping to start working on the photography business more frequently again. Follow this link to view a couple of my favorites from a photo session I did back in September.

Update!!!

I have so many exciting new projects to share in the next couple of weeks. I will be launching my new website and blog within the next month, sharing recent photo shoots, and I will be announcing a new project. In the meantime here's a picture of my little girls from the fair this September or maybe it was August......?

-Renee

Journal Entry from August 8, 2010

It’s August 8th, 2010 around 6 o’clock in the evening. I brought the girls out for a drive with our new dog, Abby. We are just getting close to passing the park a block away from our house.

“Mommy can we pleeease go to the park?” Lydia asks in her sweetest possible voice. Looking at the park I see it filled with people, families, Daddy’s holding their little girls, my stomach turns and I can’t speak. “Mommy I said can we please go to the park?”

“I know, I know Lydia.” I mumble trying to gather my thoughts, trying not to break down. “I will take you to a different park, with less people so we can bring Abby.” God please help me find a place to go. Then I remember the junior high school, its summer so there shouldn’t be anyone there. I drive two more miles down the main highway and turn off. Relieved to see a deserted parking lot I park and remind myself to keep breathing.

“I remember this place.” Lydia says. “We came here with Daddy. Can Abby come with us?”

“Yes she can.” I answered as I work to unbuckle Adeline, help Melody out of her booster and grab the leash.

We walk slowly up the small hill until nothing is before us except the empty field. I am breathing deeper now. The wind blows softly as each of our dresses dance in the wind and in this moment I am comforted. I look down at Melody’s sweet round face and into her bright blue eyes, she says “Let’s run” and so we do. We run across the field, back and forth, dance and sing. Lying on the ground we try to pick out shapes in the clouds. I see a bear, Lydia sees a crocodile, Adeline sees a bird and Melody says “Oooo, I see rain coming.” We laugh and for the first time since Michael died I feel joy.

Thank you!

Thank you to everyone who has prayed for us and sent cards or gifts. I can't tell you what an encouragement your letters have been. The girls and I were blessed to get pictures taken on Tuesday. I hope you are encouraged to see we still have the ability to smile.

All of our love, Renee

San Diego Memorial letter

Often when someone dies people get together to reminisce about the person. They try to make sense of what mere men can not grasp and try to explain unknowns with empty words. Maybe a time you shared together laughing, maybe something he said or did, maybe just his smile will come to your mind. These thoughts are natural, the memories real but none touch the true essence of the man Michael became and is to me.

The first time Michael and I met we were 17. It was late at night after a show at Denny’s. He said some awful pick up line to me and according to him I gave him the dirtiest look he had ever received and ignored him. He decided not to make any further attempts that night and we went our separate ways. Although this encounter was brief it summed up Michael’s teenage years. He was prideful, arrogant, too easily influenced by peers, and selfish. His pranks may have seemed funny to some but were often done at the expense of someone else. The following is part of an explanation of his teenage years that Michael wrote for our children:

I broke the commands of my parents, school and government and nothing too bad ever happened to me. Except every time I did it I got farther and farther from God. Until Jesus Christ, the Bible and Christianity was a lie, something weak people needed to get through the day. It is the little thoughts, temptations and desires we entertain that lead us away from God and into a life vanity. It is here that everything begins to look empty, gray and open to interpretation. There is no longer a truthful right and wrong set up by God only confusion and uncertainty. This is a horrible place to be and it was where I ended up.

This personal assessment may seem harsh but it was his own and he willingly shared his testimony with anyone who wanted to hear. He regretted almost everything he did from the time he was 15 until he left for his first trip when he was 18.

The second time we met was two years later late at night at Balboa Park. He remembered me but I didn’t recognize him for the prideful teenager I had met before. He had changed.

There was something softer about his presence and I was immediately drawn to his searching heart, honest desire to have substantial relationships and intense nature. I felt at home. When the other boys were concerned with music, image, an easy laugh, endless causes, or political opinions he was putting forth every part of himself in trying to have real relationships with people and to find meaning and purpose in life. I loved him and he loved me. Our bond was immediate and intense and the deepest love I had experienced. Even though we cared for each other almost as soon as we started dating we started fighting. We had different beliefs, different ways of communicating, different morals the list went on and on. Almost everything turned into a deep conversation or debate. After I spent time alone in Europe I decided I wanted to start to go back to church then after being home 2 months I experienced a deeply painful loss and my need for God became even stronger. Michael explained it this way:

I loved Renee and I could see that we were on the verge of breaking up. Part of me said that Renee was no longer the person that I had fallen in love with. The first thing that I had loved about her was that she was searching for meaning as much as I was. But now I felt like she was clinging on to the traditions of her parents and I felt betrayed. I had always seen her as strong, independent and extremely intelligent with the ability to live outside the conformity of society better than anyone I had ever met. But now I wondered if she was just weak and scared. Maybe she needed a life of routine and structure that only organized religion and over-simplified right and wrongs could provide. The thought of her teaching our kids about God from a book written over 2000 years ago because she wasn’t confident enough to find him herself made me sick.

But a smaller part of me knew that our love was more real then anything I had ever experienced and it was based on our mutual search for meaning and truth. The only reason Renee would wager our love for Christianity was because it was the way to God. The thought of Satan, Hell, God in a man’s body and a flood that filled the whole earth was completely impossible in my mind but I decided to go to church with Renee to see if I could tolerate it. After all it was only an hour a week.

But of course Michael could not leave it at just once a week. After a month of exhausting fighting he broke up with me. We were both devastated.

I broke up with her and told everyone that she had been brainwashed by a Christian cult. Being exposed to a cult myself was the only way I could explain the power Christianity still had on my brain. I constantly wondered if I had traded a relationship with God for my own will.

I had loved Renee more than I ever thought I could love someone and loosing her was so painful that it crushed me. Unfortunately the Christian cult story worked on everyone but me. I knew that if she were really being brainwashed I would be devoting my life to trying to save her.

I tried to distract myself from reality by hanging out with my friends but it wasn’t the same. The relationship that I had had with Renee held so much substance that smoking pot on a street corner with five guys talking about nothing didn’t have the same effect on me. It lacked what I needed and when I stopped hanging out with my friends they told me that I had changed, it was ironic.

We didn’t talk for 6 months, during that time Michael became a CNA, traveled and tried desperately to make sense of our relationship and his relationship with God. On a trip to Mexico he had an experience that opened his heart to me again and softened his heart toward God.

I bought ten soccer balls and a lot of pots and pans. I loaded them into my mini van and decided to drive throughout Mexico handing them out to poor communities. I only lasted two nights in Mexico. The first day I drove until I was exhausted because I was too afraid to fall asleep. It was a different world with checkpoints in the middle of the desert and children ten years old bagging my groceries. My mind became filled with all of the stories I had heard of cars being stolen from Americans by the police and bandits. I was afraid to pull over in the middle of the desert to sleep until I saw a large mound of dirt. I parked behind it and walked to the road to make sure that my car couldn’t be seen. It was completely hidden so I laid in the back of my van thinking about Renee. I started to wonder if I should become a Christian and try to get back together with her. That night I realized that my biggest problem with Christianity was giving up options. Sitting in my van my options were endless but it wasn’t making me happy. Ever since I had broken up with Renee I had felt lost and that night I sincerely considered trading countless options for disciplined Christian values.

My thoughts were interrupted by headlights shinning on the ceiling of my van. I quickly sat up and watched as a car drove off of the road and into the desert. That night three more cars drove past me on the dirt road and I became afraid that one of them would inspect my van. I couldn’t fall asleep because I couldn’t get the vision of a strangers face looking into my window so I began to pray. It was just as sincere as France only this time I used the name Jesus. I prayed for protection and asked him for direction. I begged him to give me a sign if he was real because if he was I wanted to become a Christian and marry Renee.

Early the next morning I saw a sign that said orphanage, we need your help. So I drove four miles on a dirt road before I saw a light blue building surrounded by old tires. They gladly accepted my gifts and I decided to head back home confident that I had contributed to making the world a better place. As I was walking toward my van something unexpected happened. I heard worship music being played inside. When I went in I was surprised to find out that a church had come down from Idaho to feed the poor in the community near by. They invited me to go along and I gladly accepted. Surprisingly after we made food bags we spent the rest of the day walking door-to-door evangelizing. All day I watched them pray the sinner’s prayer with people and I couldn’t help but feel like the Lord was giving me the chance to give my life to him. In the evening we put on a party for the town and I had a great time. That night I slept in my van at the orphanage. I didn’t give my life to Jesus yet but I did let him closer.

After 3 months of not talking Michael wrote me a letter but I didn’t respond. Then after 3 more months I hit a very low point and called him here is part of that account:

When she opened the door her light came on and I saw that she was crying. After she told me that she still loved me I asked her about church. She said that one day she would start going again but it wasn’t going to be for a long time. I told her that I loved her too and when she was ready to go to church we had to agree on the one we would go to. As she drove away I didn’t know what to do so I started to pray to God. I told him that I was going to start talking to him and was about to believe in Jesus. I told him that if Christianity was a way to him than that was great. But I begged him to help me if it was a cult written by men. I believed that he could personally affect my life and asked that his will be done over mine no matter what that meant.

Seven months later we were engaged and then married in June. As soon as we were married we started fighting all the time again. We loved each other but our love was selfish. We didn’t have a strong foundation and despite all of our efforts we were becoming what we had always vowed to never become. We constantly pointed fingers at the other person, never accepted our own faults and all of the qualities we loved so much about each other became hidden underneath all of the hurt. A turning point in our marriage happened when I was pregnant with Lydia it was a couple months after Michael had really been seeking the Lord. We were driving to my parent’s house for dinner. All of the fighting felt like it was coming to a head and I remember Michael saying, “I don’t feel appreciated or respected. I don’t think you understand me at all. I don’t feel like you even love me anymore.” I told him I felt the exact same way and we sat quiet for what seemed like forever. The silence was deep and painful. I thought separation between us was inevitable. Then he said, “But do you believe I love God?” I was quiet for a moment then I told him that I knew he loved the Lord and he said, “I know that you love God too, so we will be okay.” He reached for my hand and held it for the rest of the 45 minute drive. From that moment on God began to build our relationship on a foundation based on His love not ours. The following is part of Michael’s story that he wrote for our children about that time in our life.

I didn’t pick up a bible until two years after the night Renee and I got back together in that deserted K-mart parking lot. We had been married for a little less than a year and I was consumed with worry. I distracted myself by focusing on finances and it began to overwhelm me with stress. I knew that I had a problem when Renee and I went to Disneyland for Valentines Day and I couldn’t relax. The whole time I was thinking about work and my family. I decided to read the bible and ask God for help. The first book that I read was Acts and immediately my preconceived notions of Christianity being built by self-righteous men who wanted power failed to make sense. It was from reading about the conversion and ministry of Paul that it became possible in my mind that I might one day believe. I had a sincere respect for Paul’s passion and faith in Jesus Christ. When I thought about what it must have been like for a Jewish man who persecuted Christians to become a follower of Jesus my transformation didn’t seem that drastic.

I still had a lot of problems with the Christian faith after I read Acts including how could a man be God? Why would God allow bad things to happen to good people? If God loved humans why would he send any of them to hell? If the Christian church is the closest that humans could be to God how could it be responsible for wars and other horrific things in history? But something very important about me was different. I began reading the bible with a small part of me believing that it was real. It took me about four months of reading scripture and praying before I realized that all of my problems were with imperfect Christians not the bible or Jesus. After that I asked for Jesus Christ to come into my heart and for the Holy Spirit to be the authority over my life. I began to follow the teachings of the bible and did not stop because the more I prayed, worshiped and read the scriptures the closer I became to God. I no longer had the emptiness in my heart or confusion in my mind. I began to realize that God was and always had been taking care of me. My desire to live with him in heaven for eternity grew the more I fell in love with him and worshiped him above all else and that made me more content and thankful with what he blessed me with here on earth.

I am at a loss to try to write what a heart can only know, to give a glimpse into our life together and to express what could never be understood by anyone other than me. From the point Michael and I both fully committed to our relationship with Jesus our marriage began to be greatly blessed. God took our selfish love for each other and replaced it with his love. The result was more than I could have ever hoped or prayed for, more than I knew was possible.

Our life together in Idaho was simple and beautiful. In the morning at 4:00 our first alarm would go off, then at 4:10, 4:15, and finally 4:30 we would stop snuggling since if we waited any longer he would be late to work again. We would get up and he would take a shower while I made his lunch and coffee. He commuted 45 minutes to Buck Knives while I crept back into bed to sleep until the girls woke up. His job was nothing that he found great purpose or meaning in but it was his desire to provide for me and the girls that kept him there. At 8:30am he would call me on his first break while I ran around getting cereal, changing diapers or doing some other daily task. He would quietly laugh as he listened to me talk to our girls then depending on the day would pray with me before we exchanged our “I love you and miss you” then got off the phone. He would go back into work. On his lunch break he would call again at 11:30am this time was treasured for both of us because usually Adeline would be napping so we would be able to catch up with each other about our day. Then he would call again on his afternoon break at 1:30. Then again he would call me at 4 when it was time for everyone to clock out. He always waited 10 minutes because he refused to stand in line to punch his card. Then at 4:15 he would call me again when he got into his truck. We would talk for about 20 minutes until I said I had to get off the phone to finish getting dinner ready. Every day when he came home it was as if our world got brighter. The girls would yell, “Daddy’s home!” as soon as they saw his truck and run to me and say, “Mommy your Prince is here!” When he walked in he could barely get past the front door as he was covered with kisses and hugs. Lydia would usually start by telling him all of the day’s details and her plans for that evening. Melody would kiss him and hug him then do something to make him laugh. Adeline would hold out her arms saying “Dada!” until he settled to sitting down with her on his lap. I would watch all of this while finishing dinner and then Michael would say “Alright girls I love you and I missed you too just give me one second.” Then he would come to me and kiss me and we would hold each other while the girls watched or pulled on our clothes to get our attention. We ate dinner together, talked about our day more. Then after that we would do any number of things from dancing in the kitchen with the girls, singing songs, walking down to the lake or the store, reading books or making crafts. Then after the girls bath we would put them to bed. Then the rest of the night was ours.

I thought I would include a letter Michael wrote for his english class this past spring semester. It is the last letter he wrote to all of us girls and such a gift to us. After he wrote it he printed out a copy and gave it to me and read it to the girls. I think it reveals so much of his heart.

My Girls,

For extra credit in my English 102 class I was assigned the task of sending a thank you letter to someone that has helped me with my education. My mind thought of old teachers and even my own parents. All of them had a small part to play in my education but none of them have had the slightest amount of influence as you four angels.

Renee, you are my wife and life saving companion. You proof read everything I write and are an encouragement to my education. When I get tunnel vision and start to get too caught up with work and school you always remind me to spend time with our daughters. Our time together is what fills me up in times when I feel like I having nothing left to give. You are the smartest, most beautiful, and talented women I have ever met. Your love for me and our daughters is inspiring and it drives me to want to be a better man. You deserve a better life and that is the number one driving force in my desire for an education.

Lydia, you are my first born daughter. You help out a lot with your sisters and that gives me more time to study. I enjoy your questions and enthusiasm regarding me becoming involved in medicine to help people. Melody, you are adorable and can always make me laugh when I need it the most. You remind me to take life slower and that helps me to not get overwhelmed in the distance I still need to go in my education. Adeline, you are a true fighter and picture of endurance. Your strength is contagious and helps me to work hard. You are possibly the last child your mother and I will have. You are the blessing that overflowed our family in joy, laughter, and resources! Your presence was that last push that your mother and I needed to make me go back to school. Although it is hard right now in the long run it is going to make your mother and I retire a lot better and give me a job I enjoy a lot more. For that I thank you! I love you girls more than life itself and that is what drives me to become a better man and commit to my education.

I love you,

Your husband and dad

Every time Michael came home, each time I watched him play with the girls, every night we went to bed holding each other I thanked God for what a gift I had received. There are so many things Michael did that made him so special. But the best part to me is what happened in the day to day, the time spent behind closed doors with our little family. It is few who really succeed at what some may see as a small task of being married and raising a family; but he did what I have never seen done so well.

I was able to see Michael’s process from being a boy to becoming man, from having ideas to living with purpose, from wanting to change the world to trusting the world to God. All I ask is that in remembering Michael you honor the man he chose to become. For some this may seem hard, it may be easier to cling to some memories and to leave others out. But the true beauty that Michael held was in the development of his character. He never settled, stopped seeking more, or let hard situations dictate his life. He was always willing to question his own motives and only I know how often come before God and pray for forgiveness, help and wisdom. My hope is that in some way his life will challenge others to do what he has always encouraged me to do, to live each day for the moment you will stand before God. He always told me it was never too late for a person to change, for a life to make a difference or for a wrong to be made right. It is that daily passion I miss so much in a world so full of doubt and uncertainty. Thank you for taking the time to listen, I hope I was able to convey a little of who Michael became and why.

To my husband, my Michael,

If you could ask me one last time why I love you I would say: I love that when you blew your nose it sounded like a horn, I love that you never cared if people saw you dancing like a ballerina for the girls. I love that you never sung the words right to songs. I love how you always grabbed for me and kissed me when I walked past you. I love that you never cared about the clothes you wore. I love how you were always so thankful with the little we had because you knew it was really much. I love the way you looked when you held me. I love the way you played with the girls. I love how you always made everything special. I love how you walked everywhere. I love that every time we went to the lake you would always make me watch you as you tried to throw a rock far. I love how you skipped rocks. I love how you played the harmonica. I love how much you loved our little home. I love that you always wanted to stay up late and talk no matter what time you had to get up the next day.

I love your passion and intense desire for what is good. I love the way you searched for truth from your walk with God to how to be a better husband. I love how much you love Lydia, Melody and Adeline. I love how you played with them, protected them, adored them and always put their needs above your own. I will always treasure what a gift it was to see our daughters truly loved by their Daddy.

I love that you had the courage to ask hard questions, questions that reveal truth and character. I love how you were always seeking always searching for more. I love how often you admitted you were wrong because it showed me how much you wanted what is right. I love that you loved sharing your heart with me. I love how much you dreamed and believed in our family.

I love you, every part that makes you different and unique, and every part that makes sense only to me. I always will.

If I could, I would tell you that I knew when I first met you that you were only capable of doing something if you believed in it with your whole heart. Thank you for loving me and the girls with your whole heart, thank you for never holding back. I am so blessed to have had you for my husband. I love you and I miss you.

Renee

With Renee

Thank you to everyone who has offered prayer and support for myself and my daughters during this time. I have noticed that many people have been reading Michael’s writings. I don’t know if you are family members, co-workers, new or old friends or just someone who heard about him, but because of the personal details in Michael’s writings I will no longer be posting his book, With Renee. He started to write the book for our children and grandchildren. The following is part of the intro:

There are a few autobiographies that I would sincerely desire to read and fewer that would leave a lasting impression on my life. I enjoy the Gospels, book of Acts and the whole Bible for that matter because they tell the life stories of God and his people. But two life stories I always wondered about was that of my own parents. Who were they before I was born? You always hear of parents stopping in moments of clarity when they realize they were saying statements to their kids that their own parents had said to them. How had they changed from the child to the adult? I also wondered how my parents acted and how other adults saw them at work and other times when I wasn’t around. I used to ask my parents a lot of questions trying to unveil who they were and how they came to believe and think the way that they did. To this day I have stories that give hints to their past but ultimately I feel their true and complete story will never become clearer than a glimpse to me. I don’t want that to be true for my children. I know that how I raise you will have a lasting impression on not only how you see the world but how you will raise your own children. I desire to tell you why I do the things I do and how I came to learn and believe the things that I taught you.
First off it is impossible to tell my early story apart from God and your mother Renee because they are so much apart of it. The same way it is impossible for me to tell my later story apart from you Lydia and Melody. The other day we were all walking through the graveyard together and your mom started talking about how she would do my funeral. I in turn told her how I would do hers and we both felt like the other person truly knew our hearts and how we would want to be remembered. We both agreed that we would only allow selected speakers to speak. Neither one of us could handle a family acquaintance or friend saying a story that wasn’t true about the life of the person we loved so much. Your mom said she would make everyone walk to a difficult but breathe taking place in nature. There would be no pamphlet or summary written down about my life. Simply a bunch of people in God’s country were she would have someone play Amazing Grace on the bagpipes. She said that she would read something if she could but the funeral would have to be postponed until she felt she had truly captured what she wanted to say.
For your mother I saw a beautiful mood lit room set up for a meal like you would see for a very high end wedding reception. On the walls would be her paintings and pictures. The music playing softly in the background would be piano songs she had written herself or loved to play. I would decorate and coordinate everything with her daughters. It would be a tribute to her and I would make the point that the greatest thing she ever felt she had been able to create and devote her life to was not a painting, picture or musical piece but her children. And that she always felt that her greatest masterpiece was her family. Both of us love you two very much.
This book has two sections. The first is entitled “Loving God with your life.” It holds my personal testimony and I hope one day it will have yours too. The second section is called “Loving God with you mind.” In a world that constantly calls the things of God foolish I have written some teaching that can help us. It can be used as a defense for your faith but most importantly for your own understanding. The word tells us to love God with our hearts as well as our minds. I pray you will love him with everything in you. Believe me he is more than worth it. Jesus Christ was God and he came to earth a long time ago to show us how much he loves us, wants a relationship with us and to lead the way away from all pain and suffering to eternal life in paradise. I will follow him forever and my prayer is that one day we will all be together in heaven with Jesus Christ.

I didn’t know he had written down the details of that day we walked through the cemetery. He wrote so frequently at night while I read, painted or listened to music by him; now every letter, prayer or account of his life that is recorded is a precious gift for myself and our children. I had the privilege of meeting Michael when we were only 18 years old and by the grace of God we were able to grow up together. Everything that made us who we are as a family came from Jesus and is based on His love. A love that can walk you through any hardship and give you hope in any circumstance. Michael was my husband but he was not mine to keep. As God says in Isaiah 55 verse 8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
During this time I will continually put my trust and faith in God’s word and my prayer is that you will too. If you want to know the truth about Michael’s life or faith from his perspective feel free to email me through our website and I will share as much as possible.

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With Renee (Chapter 4) by, Michael Blankartz

From shore it looked more like a cruise ship than the ferry I had ridden on with my grandparents. Once on board the ship, I explored both stories and found that the outer deck on the second story had a glass overhang installed with heaters. I remembered what the lady had told me about sleeping anywhere that was open so I put my bag on a plastic lounge chair. I was really excited to be able to sleep outside under the stars. I would be on the ferry for three days which meant that I didn’t have to worry about finding a safe place to sleep or make any decisions. For the first time in awhile I was like everyone else and it felt comforting.

As the ferry started to move I was watching a father and his son. The dad was acting like a child himself running around the boat looking at everything through binoculars. His son who must have been around nine year old was struggling to keep up because he couldn’t move fast enough in all the extra layers of clothing he was wearing.

“There’s an army look out tower. See it son, I bet they do all kinds of top secret military testing out here! Holy cow look at the wave this thing puts out! This has some serious tork!” The kid never took his eyes off his father. He didn’t even ask to look in the binoculars because he cared more about being with his dad than anything else.

I laughed my way to the back of the boat. The wind was strong and it sent a chill down my spine. I glanced at the reflection of my hair blowing all over the place in passing by windows. When I reached the back of the boat I saw a road of disturbed ocean all the way to the horizon. I watched the propeller turn the water white until the sun went down.

The next day there was deserted islands everywhere and the water was so still that it looked like a mirror. From the front of the boat I watched the water split into two thin patient swells until I noticed the jellyfish. Below me was so calm and clear that I could see palm size jellyfish rise to the surface like bubbles before floating away. A log passed by the boat carrying a stowaway seagull and I watched the fins of killer whales glide above the water in the distance. My breath was taken away by the sight of bald eagles flying gracefully over a sparkling sea. The inside passage of Alaska was beautiful and I felt blessed to have been able to see it. Sitting on that ferry I was just another traveler and I felt like I belonged. I wasn’t worried about being beat up while I slept or tired from carrying a huge backpack.

The first place that the ferry ported was in Ketchikan Alaska at 7:00am. I exited the boat with an hour and a half to spend on shore. While everyone else headed for the gift shops and tourist traps I walked off into the neighborhoods because I wanted to see Alaska how the locals saw it. I don’t know what I expected to see but I figured that people who lived in Alaska would be a lot different than Californians. I knew that they would be living at a slower pace. After walking down the main street for about a quarter mile I came to a small bridge. It was something that could have been located in San Diego. It was made simply out of concrete for the sole purpose of putting the road over a creek. The only difference came when I looked over the side down below. Back home there was a ninety five percent chance that the creek bed would have been dried up and filled with trash. But what I saw that day in Ketchikan were hundreds of salmon swimming up the creek. The top of the water was almost completely made with the backs of fish but I was even more impressed with the size than the quantity. When I was twelve years old I caught a five pound trout. It was the biggest fish that I ever caught and I even got recorded in the weekly fishing report in the newspaper. Almost all of these fish were about that size give or take a pound. I laughed at the fact that it would have been very easy for me to walk down the small bank and grab a trophy sized fish if I wanted too.

The neighborhoods were surrounded by woods and it felt like a bear could walk down the street at any moment. The weather was about 40 degrees and cloudy but I was warm in my green fleece jacket. I saw fathers warming up there cars before going to work and kids going to school. I guess that Alaska wasn’t as different as I thought. Even out in the middle of nowhere people were going to work and raising families. I called my mom and told her that I was alright. When I told her about the Salmon and the ferry ride she got very excited. In a way it made me even happier that I was getting to see Alaska. As I described it to her I thought more in depth about what I had seen and her reaction confirmed to me that what I was going through was special.

I took the ferry the farthest north that it went. I thought that the last town would be the best one to stay at but I was wrong. It was called Skagway and it looked more like Disneyland than a rustic Alaskan town. It was a complete tourist trap with the theme of the gold rush. I decided to return to the ferry and stay for awhile in Haines Alaska. It was only an hour south of where I was. At the front of the boat I met up with some college kids. The wind was so strong coming through the canyon that it almost blew you over. We all hung on to the railing and enjoyed the power of Mother Nature.

It was too dark to see much when we reached Haines but I wasn’t worried because I expected to be greeted by shuttles and taxis like I had seen in Ketchikan. When I saw the deserted parking lot I didn’t know how to feel. The good news was that I had found a rustic Alaskan town with minimal tourism. The bad news was that I was stranded in Alaska in the middle of the night. Luckily I was greeted by the number for the local cab company inside the phone booth and a taxi arrived in less than ten minutes. It was a jeep Cherokee that had no distinctive signs that it was a taxi other than it was the only car on the road.

“Where are you going,” the driver asked. She was a middle aged woman with brown hair and a decent figure for her age.

“To the hostel, do you know where that is?”

“Of course I do. Go ahead and put your stuff anywhere,” she replied.

The drive wasn’t far; it consisted of me making small talk, which I was getting really good at. She told me about moose attacks and how they are much more aggressive than bears. She described how they get you down and than stomp on you kicking with all of their legs.

As we drove through the town I noticed that there wasn’t a single traffic light. Actually the only intersection was a four way stop in the middle of town. The view lit up by the headlights out my window began showing nothing but trees and she told me that the hostile was two miles further. When the destination was reached a helpless smile took over my face. The hostile consisted of five little shacks that were nothing more than the size of tool sheds. There were two cabins that I would later find out were the kitchen and bathroom.

“How much do I owe you?”

“Fourteen dollars.”

“Holy mackerel,” I replied with bulging eyes and an exaggerated tone. All that I could think was that I should have walked. I had spent the money for a whole night stay in a hostile for a three mile walk. Than again I would have been walking in the pitch black dark with no idea were I was going.

“I’m sorry, my boss told me it’s eight into town and six from there to here.”

“I’m joking, here is fifteen dollars. I would give you a bigger tip but I don’t have it.

“No, let me give you your change your going to need it,” she answered looking guilty.

I didn’t feel like arguing over a dollar so I accepted back my change and said goodbye to the nice lady. It was starting to sprinkle rain but I didn’t mind because I was finally roughing it in Alaska.

“What can I do for you,” asked an older woman as she watched T.V behind the counter.

“I would like a room for a couple of days.”

“How many,” she asked releasing a very dramatic smile.

“We’ll do three for now.” I was happy to be able to have a place to stay for three days. In traveling with no destination or plan I was spending more time thinking about shelter, food and security then when I was back at home.

After I paid she told me my cabin number and asked me if I needed her to show me were it was. I told her not to worry about it because it was late and muddy outside. What I didn’t tell her was that a complete idiot could find cabin number three in a village of seven shacks. As I walked out she warned me that I had two roommates sharing the shed with me. One of them was a doctor named Brian and she couldn’t remember the other ones name. The thought of waking up too men sleeping in a shack made me nervous. Was the place so crowded that she couldn’t give me my own shed?

“It will most likely be locked so just knock and they will let you in.” She said forcing another huge smile. Her dramatic face expressions were starting to remind me of my mom’s twin sister back home. There was something about her that was very similar to my aunt but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

“Don’t you have another key?”

“No, all of the cabins come with deadbolts.” She gave an even bigger smile and I realized what she was doing. Whenever she saw the slightest chance of me getting upset she would smile to avoid confrontation. I figured that she was very insecure but I couldn’t figure out why she reminded me of my aunt other than her voice showed signs of smoking. Outside it was raining hard enough to turn the ground into one big puddle. I walked to my cabin admiring the stars while the rain touched my face. The water was soaking into my shoes filling them with water but luckily there were small stones everywhere so the ground wasn’t muddy.

After I knocked I was immediately told to hold on. He must not of been sleeping I thought. When the door opened I could make out two bunk beds, a table next to a heater and a very wrinkly old man in his underwear.

“Hello, there,” he grumbled half asleep.

I could make out another man rapped up in his sleeping bag on the bottom bunk on the left side. “You guys don’t mind if I turn on the light for a second do you?” I whispered.

“How else are you going get ready for bed?” the old man asked.

“Good point,” I laughed nervously. After closing the door I noticed that the deadbolt was a one inch hook that latched onto an open circle. I unrolled my sleeping bag on the bunk above the old man and climbed into it.

I was comforted when he started to make conversation with me because it meant that I hadn’t disturbed him too much. He was a sixty year old retired doctor named Brian. He and his wife traveled all over the world. She was a teacher and together they worked all over Asia. After retiring they moved back to Australia and he still travels once in awhile, just leaving Africa prior to arriving in Alaska. The pile of blankets was awoken by our conversation and identified himself as Ryan from Arizona. He seemed like a nice guy.

Before Ryan went outside to the bathroom he asked Brandon, “Why doesn’t your wife travel with you?”

“Oh we had grandchildren and the nesting instinct took over. Now I travel alone a lot. She says she would miss the kids to much.”

“Sounds a lot like my mom, I’m sure she’ll be the same way when I have kids.” I responded. I missed my mom.

“Oh you can bet on it. As sure as the sun coming up tomorrow, all women are like that. Well almost all of them. It’s good to travel with a bird though.”

“A bird?” I asked puzzled. I had no idea what he was talking about.

“A bloody female, You Americans I swear,” he laughed. The whole time we had been talking which was about fifteen minutes he continuously released minor farts that I tried to ignore aside from laughing into my pillow. But as he laughed he let out a loud one. I didn’t even have the option of pretending that I didn’t hear it.

“Ryan is going to come in her thinking the bathroom smelt nicer,” I said laughing.

“Trust me I’m a doctor. It’s when you can’t fart that you start worrying.”

“Ya, or if you poop in your pants,” I managed to say between laughs.

We laughed for a long time before he sighed, “Oh, let me tell you something my friend because of simplicity, I’m the happiest guy in the world.”

“I believe you,” I said smiling at the ceiling. And the truth was I really did. I was sleeping in a small building that wasn’t insulated in the middle of Alaska but I was happy. I felt really warm wrapped up tight in my sleeping bag listening to the heater sing. The mattress was softer then the lounge chair that I had been sleeping on and I didn’t feel alone. I fell asleep smiling.

Hours later I was awoken by a BANG! What was that? I was dazed from sleeping but I knew that that noise wasn’t in my head. For a second I wondered if it was a bear trying to get into our shack. As I started to become more awake I thought that a tree branch fell on our roof. After a long pause I questioned, “Did you just fall out of bed?”

“Oh my god, I did!” replied a dazed Ryan in complete shock.

We both began laughing but we didn’t start laughing hysterically until Brandon surprised us by screaming, “I thought the bloody Chinese had invaded!”

San Diego Portrait Session: Matt Woltjer

To hear some of Matt's music visit
www.facebook.com/pages/Matt-Woltjer/218452855649

Ministry Feature: HUM

(photos provided by Gabe Shippam)

About HUM-
Horizon Christian Fellowship Park Chapel is a 501 c (3) non-profit, Tax ID #
33-0847749. Horizon Urban Ministries is a D.B.A. of Horizon Park Chapel.
Horizon Urban Ministries exists to bring a horizon of hope to a hurting
world. Our primary focuses are: 1. The poor and homeless, 2. At-risk youth
and 3. The interdenominational Christian church. We do this through a
variety of outreaches and programs which include food and clothing
distribution, weekly meals for the homeless, outreach teams, assistance at
low-income hotels, referrals to shelters, drug recovery programs, mission
trips and many other outreaches into the broken community. Everything we do
is freely given with no prerequisites or requirements. We hold no biases in
our service and function solely for the well being of our community. HUM
changes people’s lives, gives a new chance and hope to a hurting world and
rebuilds the community.

What is the Bridge-
HUM hosts short-term mission trips for groups who desire to experience the
gospel lived out in an urban setting known as, The Bridge. Urban
communities are brimming with people who lack food, clothing, shelter, love,
acceptance, and a relationship with Jesus. In the city we see brokenness,
hopelessness and despair. We can lead others to the Lord by helping them
bridge the gap between need and fulfillment. Join us in the city, on a
trip that will challenge your group as we advance the kingdom and change the
city. This happens as we go outside the church walls and work together to
bring hope to a hurting world.

Vision-
HUM desires to reawaken the church to be the revolutionary power in our
communities. We desire to become a church WITH the poor and not just for the
poor. We Bridge the Gap between the rich and poor, the church and the lost,
and also between the many different Christian denominations.

For more information regarding HUM please contact Gabe Shippam at gabe@horizonparkchapel.org

Traveling Memoirs 2

Everyone needed a spontaneous getaway so when the weekend came we took it! Missoula was a great place to relax and spend some quality time together as a family.

Historical Sources About Jesus

I have it heard it said that there is no proof outside the Bible that Jesus Christ really existed. In addition to the two I have added below there are many other sources that confirm that Jesus was a true historical figure.

Cornelius Tacitus is a famous Roman historian and lived from 55-120 AD. He wrote the Annals and the Histories along with other works. From this passage we can see that he was not a Christian, Christ was a real person, was killed by Pontius Pilot, and that his death quieted Christianity for a moment before it exploded all over Judea and Rome. That is a powerful testimony for the resurrection. We continue to read about the persecution of Christians that did not end the Gospel being preached or lived out.

Consequently, to get rid of the report, Nero fastened the guilt and inflicted the most exquisite tortures on a class hated for their abominations, called Christians by the populace. Christus, from whom the name had its origin, suffered the extreme penalty during the reign of Tiberius at the hands of one of our procurators, Pontius Pilatus, and a most mischievous superstition, thus checked for the moment, again broke out not only in Judea, the first source of the evil, but even in Rome, where all things hideous and shameful from every part of the world find their centre and become popular. Accordingly, an arrest was first made of all who pleaded guilty; then, upon their information, an immense multitude was convicted, not so much of the crime of firing the city, as of hatred against mankind. Mockery of every sort was added to their deaths. Covered with skins of beasts, they were torn by dogs and perished, or were nailed to crosses, or were doomed to the flames and burnt, to serve as a nightly illumination, when daylight had expired.

Annals, Tacitus 15.44

Jesus is also mentioned in the Antiquities by Flavius Josephus around the year 90 AD. He was a Jewish Historian.

At this time there was a wise man who was called Jesus. And his conduct was good and (he) was known to be virtuous. And many people from among the Jews and other nations became his disciples. Pilate condemned him to be crucified and to die. And those who had become his disciples did not abandon his discipleship. They reported that he had appeared to them three days after his crucifixion and that he was alive; accordingly, he was perhaps the messiah concerning whom the prophets have recounted wonders.”

Antiquities 18:3

North Korea

In the Washington Post on May 20th the article “S. Korea Jettisons Doubt About Sinking” it states that there is overwhelming evidence that North Korea sunk the South Korean warship Cheonan on March 26, 2010. It continues to say that North Korea denied the claims but stated that it would respond to even a minor retaliatory attack with a “Strong physical blow that knows no mercy.” The Washington post adds, “China, which is North Korea’s primary patron and largest trade partner, has been skeptical.” Both China and North Korea are Communist countries with Nuclear Weapons.

I recently heard an interview with Lisa and Laura Ling on the National Public Radio Broadcast “Fresh Air” on March 17th. Most of us remember Laura as the Journalist that was captured in North Korea for 5 months before being rescued by the United States when we agreed to send Bill Clinton. Perhaps fewer of us know of her sister Lisa who made a National Geographic documentary entitled “Inside North Korea” in 2006. The interview was in regards to their new book, “Somewhere Inside: One sister’s captivity in North Korea and the other sister’s fight to bring her home.”

The Documentary and interview were very insightful and give a priceless look into North Korea, which many people call the most secretive place on earth. The poverty and oppressive regime is hard to describe. Cell phones and the internet are outlawed. Generations of citizens know little to nothing about the outside world. Foreigners are not allowed into the country without guides into staged areas. Labor camps are large and common. The ruler is viewed as a son of God or God. It is a dangerous and dark country. North Koreans that attempt to flee are punished along with their families in the worst ways. For those that make it into China their fate is not much better.

We should all pray for wisdom and discernment for the world leaders that must punish North Korea for its act of war on America backed South Korea. We should also be praying for and watching China’s reaction. So far they are hesitant just like they were with declaring Sanctions on Iran.

Traveling Memoirs 1

Renee and I have always valued traveling. Our trips individually and together have taken us across the Untited States including Alaska and Hawaii. Internationally we have spent time in Europe and Mexico. We have taken many vacations with our children and are excited to take many more!

Paul + Katie (engagement preview)

I love this couple and I can't wait for the wedding this August!

The Bible

The title “The Bible” means the book and I will explain to you why. Unlike many other religious books that were written by one or two men during a lifetime The Bible is a combination of 66 books written by 40 authors over 1,600 years and the last book was written 2,000 years ago! The authors range from sheppards to kings and it was written in palaces and in jails. It is the number one printed book of all time and the foundation of the largest religion in the world. Everyone who considers themselves an intellectual or seeks knowledge regarding our world should read the Bible for its importance regardless of their beliefs.

For 1800 years people have been trying to prove the Bible wrong yet it still stands strong today in its claim to be the word of God and the one true meaning of life. Some of the biggest misconceptions about the Bible are that the fulfillments of the hundreds of prophecies were added later or that the hundreds of miracles were embellished over time or never happened at all. Anyone who suggests either of these has not done his or her research.

In 1947 The Dead Sea scrolls were found in a cave. They turned out to be the oldest biblical manuscripts found by almost 1,000 years written around the third century B.C. to 68 A.D. One of the manuscripts found was a complete copy of Isaiah dated at 125 BC.

When it was compared to our earliest copy before the Dead Sea Scrolls we were astonished to find out that in 1,000 years of making copies the two were 95% textually identical. The 5% was mainly misspelling of words and did not threaten the reliability of the text. Concerning the prophecies it is important to remember that the prophecies were spoken publicly, written down and studied by the Jewish people until their fulfillment. To change the Bible sometimes hundreds of years later to fulfill a prophecy you would have to get everyone who ever read it to participate.

We have a combined copy of nearly the entire New Testament in the Chester Beatty Papyri within 150-200 years of the originals and a fragment of John dating back to just 25 years after the original. The earliest copy of Plato (Tetralogies) we have is 1,200 after the original and we only have 7 copies in all. We have over 5,000 manuscripts and portions of manuscripts of the New Testament!

Concerning the miracles being embellished acts that actually took place or lies that never happened it is improbable. The Gospel of Matthew was written by one of the disciples of Jesus. He spent years with Jesus and wrote his Gospel only 35 years after he was crucified. He describes 20 miracles performed by Jesus including many that were done in crowds of thousands of people. There was no time for the acts to be embellished or for Matthew to lie. The same people who were hearing his Gospel had either seen the miracles themselves or could ask someone who was there what happened.

Karl Marx

Karl Marx was a leader in the vision most of us know simply as Communism. In his book entitled “The Communist Manifesto” he writes, “The communists disdain to conceal their views and aims. They openly declare that their ends can be attained only by the forcible overthrow of all existing social conditions. Let the ruling classes tremble at a communistic revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains. The have a world to win. Working men of all countries, unite!”(Location 488 Marx). Karl Marx saw what was happening to the working class during the Industrial Revolution and felt that they would rise up and overthrow Capitalism.

Cities were exploding as an increasing amount of people left the country or their own small business to work in a factory. After long hours, sometimes over 14 hours a day adults and many of their children would return home. The cities were growing too fast and entire neighborhoods of shacks that sometimes housed multiple families were falling apart in the horrible conditions. Many citizens from the country did not know how to live in the city. They would dump their trash and waste into the streets and raise pigs and chickens in the alleys. The air was full of burning coal and many of the wells and rivers were polluted. At the expense of this poverty the wealthy were obtaining large fortunes and living in blatant extravagance. The Industrial Revolution had begun and Communism was about to be born.

The Industrial revolution has been compared to changing the human condition as great as agriculture did thousands of years before it. Manufacturing, communication, mining and transportation would all be radically improved in the 17th and 18th century. The world as a whole would benefit with longer life spans, technology, and they were more productive in producing goods than ever before. Unfortunately industrialization would separate wealth between individuals and countries. Looking at a map today you can see the wealthiest countries around the Globe are those that caught on to the Industrial Revolution early and continued it into the 19th century.

As for the individuals a distinctive difference would be made in large, over populated cities between the working class (proletarians) and the wealthy middle class (bourgeoisie). With replaceable, unskilled workers the Bourgeoisie was able to keep the large profits of the manufactured products without having to supply their labor force with benefits or wages. The skilled tradesman became a button pusher or simple monitor of a machine. The struggle and animosity between the classes led Karl Marx to write The Communist Manifesto in 1848.

In his manifesto Karl Marx describes his interpretation of a factories work force. “Not only are they slaves of the bourgeois class, and on the bourgeois State; they are daily and hourly enslaved by the machine, by the over-looker, and, above all, by the individual bourgeois manufacturer himself. The more openly this despotism proclaims gain to be its end and aim, the more petty, the more hateful and the more embittering it is” (Marx Location 112). Marx thought that a violent working class revolution was unavoidable and he applauded it.

His observations regarding the oppression of the working class did not end with their place of employment. “No sooner is the exploitation of the laborer by the manufacturer, so far at an end, that he receives his wages in cash, than he is set upon by the other portions of the bourgeoisie, the landlord, the shopkeeper, the pawnbroker, etc” (Marx Location 119). It was the class differences that really bothered Karl Marx. He dreamed of a world without class struggle and the disadvantaged not being taken advantaged of. In a hope to put his philosophy into practice Marx helped to start International Working Man’s Association in 1864. History shows us that it attracted more intellectuals than factory workers.

Many workers around the world did fight the Bourgeoisie for a better standing of living. While there have been a few leaders and countries that have tried to create Communist societies most have decided against it. Instead of open war and the destruction of their society they found power in forming labor unions and a voice with voting.

Cited Sources
Bulliet et el., The Earth & its Peoples. 4th Dolphin ed. Vol. 2. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2009. Print.

Marx, Karl, Friedrich Engels. The Communist Manifesto. Public Domain Books, 2005. Kindle Book.

European colonization of the Americas

The impact of European colonization on the people of the Americas was the end of the world as they knew it. Although there was exposure to new religion, technology, agriculture, and trade, the negative aspects were catastrophic. Disease, alcohol, forced labor, and the loss of their land affected the native population everywhere. New weapons, the horse, and a market for animal skins would cause violent strife between the tribes. The old world colliding with the new world would change everything.

The Amerindians were far from perfect before the Europeans arrived but they lacked the technology and organization to carry out large conquering strategies like Europe. It is easy to see Europe as the tyrant coming into the New World taking over simplistic, nature loving natives but this is far from the case. In truth both Europe and the Amerindians had their share of heroes and villains. The native tribes were commonly at war with each other over disputes, while the Aztecs and Mayans even practiced human sacrifices. Although it was not common, there were tribes such as the Caribs and Tupinamba who practiced cannibalism for nutritional purposes.

The death rate from abuse, but mostly disease, of the Amerindians upon the arrival of European colonization is absolutely shocking. With unreliable estimates to the indigenous population when Europeans first entered the Americas we will never have perfect figures. But everyone agrees the figures were high, with one estimate being that Mexico went from 13 million Amerindians to 700,000 within a century. A chronicle from Cakchiquel of Guatemala wrote, “Great was the stench of the dead. After our fathers and grandfathers succumbed, half the people fled to the fields. The dogs and vultures devoured the bodies…So it was that we became orphans, oh my sons!..We were born to die!” In North America disease from the English and French had exterminated many of the different tribal groups. This is a horrible picture but something that was not new to Europeans. They had suffered the bubonic Plague in the fourteenth century that killed 30 million people, a third of their population!

The Spanish and Portuguese were ruthless in their tactics with the natives. They saw them as a people that needed to be conquered and converted. There were some Catholic priests from Spain, such as Bartolome de Las Casas who tried to defend the Amerindians, but even he had lived off the forced labor before his change of heart. The cities were plundered, enslaved and their native cultures were outlawed. The Indians of Huetjozinco wrote a letter to the Spanish King in 1560 stating their loyalty and situation, “Of the way in which our fathers and grandfathers and great-grandfathers were rich and honored, there is no longer the slightest trace among us.” This was a tribe that was very cooperative with the Spanish Lords. Unlike the nations of Guatemala, Michoacan, Jalisco, Pánuco, Culiacan, Oaxaca and Tehuantepec who had to be conquered the Huetjozinco even accepted Christianity. Years later however the Spanish began to tax them heavily leaving them completely impoverished.

The English colonies were inhabited by more private investors and Protestants than the other colonies. This made them less concerned with missionary efforts and a lack of large military forces. Their economy needed less slave labor, and there were no large Amerindian cities to be plundered. They still brought diseases, war and slavery to the natives, but it was on a smaller scale of ruthlessness than the Spanish and Portuguese. They had times of war and times of peace with the natives, even situations where the natives helped the colonies in desperate times.

The French were concerned with missionary work and were big into the fur trade. They lacked a large army and had smaller colonies. Many French men married Indian women and worked with the Amerindians intimatly in trade. Soon, the land was becoming over hunted and the natives were growing dependant on the goods they received from France. Disease, war and a depletion of natural resources came to affect the natives in the area of French colonies. Many times they found themselves in the middle of a long time feud between France and England.

For the Amerindians there were positives with the Old and New World combining. Such as the introduction of the firearm and horse that greatly enhance their hunting ability. There was growth in their economies selling furs and agricultural products to Europeans. They were introduced to plants, such as sugar, as well as many other fruits and vegetables. Animals introduced by the Europeans such as cows, pigs, and many others provided them with meat and hides. Many of these goods the natives embraced, and even came to have a hard time living without.

Perhaps one of the biggest changes to the Amerindians came to the very core of their way of life. Large empires such as the Aztec and Inca would soon be conquered. Sedentary societies that formed cities and harvested agriculture would be over run. Semisedentary and nomadic societies that were always on the move, hunting and gathering, would loose their way of life. Through it would come the world as we know it today, hundreds of languages exchanged for primarily English and Spanish. The uncountable number of tribes and clans would be replaced with citizens of mapped countries. It would be a long process of oppression, slavery and exploitation. Theoretically, these indigenous people would be exposed to the opportunity of better technology and way of life supplied by Europeans ambition and religion. Unfortunately, in our current time many of them are still living in third world conditions, or poverty filled reservations.

In conclusion, when the Europeans came to the new world they had better technology, military and resources. The Amerindians were at the mercy of the more advanced empires and suffered in trade and negotiations. Exposure to the Old World brought many harsh conditions for the Amerindian people and changed their world forever. Although the separate European empires had their own way with dealing with the natives, all of them eventually overpowered and ruled over them.


Cited Sources
Richard Bulliet et el., The Earth & its Peoples 4th Dolphin ed., v. 2
Glenn J. Ames, The Globe Encompassed. The Age of Discovery, 1500-1700
John E. Kicza, Resilient Cultures. America’s Native Peoples Confront European Colonization 1500-1800
Letter from the Indians of Huetjozinco to the Spanish King, 1560